Ten Commandments of Play
- Make sure that your child knows that...win or lose, scared or heroic...you love him/her, appreciate his/her efforts and are not disappointed in him/her. This will allow your child to do his/her best without fear of failure. Be the person in your child's life he/she can look to for constant positive enforcement.
- Try to be completely honest about your child's athletic ability, competitive attitude and actual skill level.
- Be helpful but don't coach your child on the way to the rink, pool or track or on the way back or at breakfast and so on. It's tough not to, but it's a lot tougher for the child to be inundated with advice, pep talks and often critical instruction.
- Teach your child to enjoy the thrill of competition, 'to be out there trying'. to be working to improve his/her skills and attitudes. Help your child to develop the feel for competing, for trying hard and for having fun.
- Try not to relive your athletic life through your child in a way that creates pressure; you fumbled too, you lost as well as won. You were frightened, you backed off at times, you were not always heroic. Don't pressure your child because of your pride.
Athletic children need their parents so you must not withdraw. Just remember there is a thinking, feeling sensitive free spirit out there in that uniform who needs a lot of understanding, especially when his/her world turns bad. If your child is comfortable with you...win or lose...your child is on his way to maximum achievement and enjoyment. - Don't compete with the coach. If the coach becomes an authority figure, it will run from enchantment to disenchantment etc. with your athlete.
- Don't compare the skill, courage or attitudes of your child with other members of the team, at least within his/her hearing.
- Get to know the coach so that you can be assured that his/her philosophy, ethics and knowledge are such that you are happy to have your child under his/her leadership.
- Always remember that children tend to exaggerate both when praised or criticized. Temper your reaction and investigate before over-reacting.
- Make a point of understanding courage and the fact that it is relative. Some of us can climb mountains and are afraid to fight. Some of us will fight but will turn to jelly when a bee approaches. Everyone is frightened in certain areas. Explain that courage is not the absence of fear, but a means of doing something in spite of fear or discomfort.
The job of the parent of an athletic child is a tough one, and it takes a lot of effort to do it well. It is worth all the effort when you hear your youngster say, "My parents really helped... I was lucky in this respect."
